Please view the following video carefully, as it shows you proper form for riding a raging male bovine. This unidentified cowboy obviously knows what he's doing. Study it. Learn it. Respect it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwKI-tDRTWc
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Strippers Are People Too
I would like to start of with a little disclaimer stating that I am not really into going to strip clubs; however, I have been on a number of occasions (hovering right around 10), so I have plenty of experiences to draw on for thoughts on the matter. This past weekend saw me add another experience to that list, and my second experience here in the great city of Dallas.
Since I know the majority of my readers at this point are female, I will first explain the two basic types of strip clubs out there. The first is the more classy of the two, in which the Entertainers (we'll start to refer to strippers as "Entertainers" from here on out, cause after all, strippers are people too) keep the piece of string covering their crotch region intact, at least for the most part. The second type is the bottom of the barrel know as the "all nude"; pretty self explanitory. Now the former sells alcoholic beverages and doesn't allow drinking past 2:00 am here in the state of Texas. The later, the bottom of the barrel, is BYOB, and really anything goes. As it was so shadily put to me this weekend at three in the morning by the officer on duty "if it's in a cooler, then we don't know what it is, so you can take it in and drink it."
This post is really about my experience this weekend, so lets get to it. This weekend, as may be apparent from above, involved the lower form of the strip club, the BYOB joint. This particular one was called "Fare", and it was a happening spot at 3:00 am when my posse and I showed up. Please be aware that I have never, with the exception of that one time, made the decision to go to the Gentlemen's Club on anything less than 8 beers and at least one shot. This evening I arrived with approximately 11 beers and one Irish Car Bomb under my belt, and my partners in crime were much worse for the wear than I.
arrive at Fare with two 12 packs of beers, both of which contain only about half of their original contents, and we are looking reeeaal classy. But hey, at Fare at 3 in the morning one is required to leave his/her class at the door anyway. As we prepare to enter the world of sweaty female entertainers and even sweater dirtballs named Jimbo and Paco, we are halted and informed that we must have our beverages in a cooler in order to enter (see above quote). We inquire as to where we may acquire a cooler, and are subsequently directed to what would be accurately described as some hustler in the parking lot. We approach said gentlemen, and ask to buy a cooler. He demands $20 for on eof the chinsy styrofoam coolers stacked in the back seat of his car, an old Caddilac if my memory serves me correctly. I, immediately recognizing the situation, counter with an offer of $15. Please note this is a large black gentlemen we are negotiating with, and I am surrounded by 3 of my friends, all of which exceed the 6'3" mark. Probably caught off guard by the smallest individual in the group making the counter offer, the hustler obliges, and we are on our way with our $15 cooler and into the World of female entertainers.
No real details will be provided at this point, but just know I am not one to be very involved in these situations. I observe (everything, not just the Entertainers gyrating around me) far more than I participate. There are a lot of humorous activities to take in at a strip club at 4 in the morning. Also, at this point my memory starts to wear thin. Although, I should point out that these were probably some of the most acrobatic Entertainers I have ever seen. There were a groups hanging from the ceiling at any point in time, simply by contorting their legs around metal poles. It was mesmerizing.
Well we have come to the end of our stripper adventure. After circling the area for a while trying to figure out how the fuck to get home, one of my amigos and I topped off the night with 2 lbs of taco bell each. I walked through my door at 5:30am, I woke up on my couch fully clothed at 10:30am, hoped in the shower to wash the filth off immediately there after and then slept in my bed until 5pm.
Typical Stripper experience in Life as a Dave.
Since I know the majority of my readers at this point are female, I will first explain the two basic types of strip clubs out there. The first is the more classy of the two, in which the Entertainers (we'll start to refer to strippers as "Entertainers" from here on out, cause after all, strippers are people too) keep the piece of string covering their crotch region intact, at least for the most part. The second type is the bottom of the barrel know as the "all nude"; pretty self explanitory. Now the former sells alcoholic beverages and doesn't allow drinking past 2:00 am here in the state of Texas. The later, the bottom of the barrel, is BYOB, and really anything goes. As it was so shadily put to me this weekend at three in the morning by the officer on duty "if it's in a cooler, then we don't know what it is, so you can take it in and drink it."
This post is really about my experience this weekend, so lets get to it. This weekend, as may be apparent from above, involved the lower form of the strip club, the BYOB joint. This particular one was called "Fare", and it was a happening spot at 3:00 am when my posse and I showed up. Please be aware that I have never, with the exception of that one time, made the decision to go to the Gentlemen's Club on anything less than 8 beers and at least one shot. This evening I arrived with approximately 11 beers and one Irish Car Bomb under my belt, and my partners in crime were much worse for the wear than I.
arrive at Fare with two 12 packs of beers, both of which contain only about half of their original contents, and we are looking reeeaal classy. But hey, at Fare at 3 in the morning one is required to leave his/her class at the door anyway. As we prepare to enter the world of sweaty female entertainers and even sweater dirtballs named Jimbo and Paco, we are halted and informed that we must have our beverages in a cooler in order to enter (see above quote). We inquire as to where we may acquire a cooler, and are subsequently directed to what would be accurately described as some hustler in the parking lot. We approach said gentlemen, and ask to buy a cooler. He demands $20 for on eof the chinsy styrofoam coolers stacked in the back seat of his car, an old Caddilac if my memory serves me correctly. I, immediately recognizing the situation, counter with an offer of $15. Please note this is a large black gentlemen we are negotiating with, and I am surrounded by 3 of my friends, all of which exceed the 6'3" mark. Probably caught off guard by the smallest individual in the group making the counter offer, the hustler obliges, and we are on our way with our $15 cooler and into the World of female entertainers.
No real details will be provided at this point, but just know I am not one to be very involved in these situations. I observe (everything, not just the Entertainers gyrating around me) far more than I participate. There are a lot of humorous activities to take in at a strip club at 4 in the morning. Also, at this point my memory starts to wear thin. Although, I should point out that these were probably some of the most acrobatic Entertainers I have ever seen. There were a groups hanging from the ceiling at any point in time, simply by contorting their legs around metal poles. It was mesmerizing.
Well we have come to the end of our stripper adventure. After circling the area for a while trying to figure out how the fuck to get home, one of my amigos and I topped off the night with 2 lbs of taco bell each. I walked through my door at 5:30am, I woke up on my couch fully clothed at 10:30am, hoped in the shower to wash the filth off immediately there after and then slept in my bed until 5pm.
Typical Stripper experience in Life as a Dave.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
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